Destroy All Humans Review

Destroy All Humans is available now for the Nintendo Switch, bringing the Crypto-137 down to Earth for some on-the-go anal probing action! Originally released in 2005 on the PlayStation 2 and Xbox, this remastered version of the game delivers all new visuals built from the ground up, a new never before released mission, and all of the DLC skins for Crypto to sport. This also marks the first time that the original title in the series is available on a Nintendo system.

The gameplay and story of the game are nearly identical to the original, so if you enjoyed it the first time around (like me) then you’re most likely going to enjoy, um, destroying all humans again. Destroy All Humans takes place in the 1950s in the United States, complete with the threat of communism and paranoia of nuclear war as the backdrop. Crypto-137 is in search of his predecessor, Crypto-136, who crashed in Rockwell. Oh, and also the small task of taking over the human race for the glory of the Furon Empire.

Along the way he will have tons of weapons at his disposal, such as the Zap-o-matic and Anal Probe Gun, which all feel unique and allow the player to stomp pesky humans as creatively as they want. Crypto also has access to psychic abilities, like being able to levitate objects with his mind or take on the form of a human for missions which require more stealth.

Speaking of, there are quite a lot of stealth related missions considering the game’s title alludes to the destruction of the human race. This did get on my nerves a bit because, much like Crypto, I just wanted to be let loose on the human race and cause as much destruction as alienly possible. Thankfully, after completing each mission the area opens up and is available for free exploration and destruction. In each location there are collectibles, mini-games, and challenges to tackle, offering loads of replayability.

The story is quite simple with the main purpose of the game being to either recruit the humans to the Furon Empire or annihilate them. Majestic (think a 1950s Men in Black) is Crypto’s main adversary throughout the game. Fortunately for Crypto, Pox, up in the Furon Mothership,  is always one step ahead of Majestic with his clever schemes to brainwash the gullible Earthlings.

Pox can also upgrade Crypto’s arsenal and psychic abilities with DNA points found throughout missions. Some of the missions and challenges themselves can be a bit bland and the game is not super challenging, especially if you’ve played it before like I have.

The visuals of the game have been given a complete overhaul worthy of Crypto’s honor. Unfortunately the Switch may not be the best hardware to experience the game. I noticed that textures on characters and environments took quite a while to load, sometimes not loading at all leaving the game looking blurry. This happened even during cutscenes and once for me during the entire duration of one.

I’m not sure why, but the game actually seemed to run better when I played it in handheld mode as opposed to playing docked and on the big screen. This made me play the game almost exclusively portably just because the game didn’t look great on my TV. Hopefully the game will be patched in order to fix this.

The load times can also take quite a bit of your time, ranging anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute. I don’t mind waiting for load screens but it’s worse when the textures aren’t even loaded afterwards.

The voice acting and dialogue in the game is superb. Pox is voiced by Richard Horvitz, best known for voicing Zim in Invader Zim. While Crypto is down on Earth wreaking havoc, Pox is constantly stringing together witty dialogue in his ear that is as funny to me as it was back in 2005. The soundtrack of the game reminds me of old sci-fi movie soundtracks which is perfect for the setting.

Destroy All Humans is a great remaster of the fantastic original game. Crypto’s shenanigans are just as fun today as they were nearly 16 years ago and the game looks better than ever, at least when it decides to load. There are plenty of challenges and mini-games to keep the player occupied while Crypto sports flashy unlockable skins. The game is a ton of fun, but the Switch is almost certainly the worst hardware to experience it on unless you’re just looking for a portable version of the game.

Tony Matthews

Tony has been gaming ever since he could walk. Pokémon Blue Version helped him learn how to read. His greatest accomplishment is not just having played the entire Kingdom Hearts series but also understanding it.